Believe in Yourself

There may be days when you get up in the morning and things aren't the way you had hoped they would be.

That's when you have to tell yourself that things will get better. There are times when people disappoint you and let you down.

But those are the times when you must remind yourself to trust your own judgments and opinions, to keep your life focused on believing in yourself.

There will be challenges to face and changes to make in your life, and it is up to you to accept them.

Constantly keep yourself headed in the right direction for you. It may not be easy at times, but in those times of struggle you will find a stronger sense of who you are.

So when the days come that are filled with frustration and unexpected responsibilities, remember to believe in yourself and all you want your life to be.

Because the challenges and changes will only help you to find the goals that you know are meant to come true for you.

Keep Believing in Yourself

Dowry in Sikh Faith !

The Sikh Gurus spoke against the common practice of dowry when a gift of money or valuables had to be given by the bride's family to that of the groom at the time of their marriage.

Huge pressure was exerted on the bride's family for the extraction of a sizeable fortune at times of marriage.

It has been regarded as contribution of her family to the married household's expenses.

The Guru's called this giving of gifts an "offer for show" of the guests and a "worthless display" which only increase the "false egotism".

Dowry was prohibited amongst the followers of the Gurus.




ਹਰਿ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਮੇਰੇ ਬਾਬੁਲਾ ਹਰਿ ਦੇਵਹੁ ਦਾਨੁ ਮੈ ਦਾਜੋ ॥
हरि प्रभु मेरे बाबुला हरि देवहु दानु मै दाजो ॥
O my father, give me the Name of the Lord God as my wedding gift and dowry.

ਹਰਿ ਕਪੜੋ ਹਰਿ ਸੋਭਾ ਦੇਵਹੁ ਜਿਤੁ ਸਵਰੈ ਮੇਰਾ ਕਾਜੋ ॥
हरि कपड़ो हरि सोभा देवहु जितु सवरै मेरा काजो ॥
Give me the Lord as my wedding gown, and the Lord as my glory, to accomplish my works.

ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਭਗਤੀ ਕਾਜੁ ਸੁਹੇਲਾ ਗੁਰਿ ਸਤਿਗੁਰਿ ਦਾਨੁ ਦਿਵਾਇਆ ॥
हरि हरि भगती काजु सुहेला गुरि सतिगुरि दानु दिवाइआ ॥
Through devotional worship to the Lord, this ceremony is made blissful and beautiful; the Guru, the True Guru, has given this gift.

ਖੰਡਿ ਵਰਭੰਡਿ ਹਰਿ ਸੋਭਾ ਹੋਈ ਇਹੁ ਦਾਨੁ ਨ ਰਲੈ ਰਲਾਇਆ ॥
खंडि वरभंडि हरि सोभा होई इहु दानु न रलै रलाइआ ॥
Across the continents, and throughout the Universe, the Lord's Glory is pervading. This gift is not diminished by being diffused among all.

ਹੋਰਿ ਮਨਮੁਖ ਦਾਜੁ ਜਿ ਰਖਿ ਦਿਖਾਲਹਿ ਸੁ ਕੂੜੁ ਅਹੰਕਾਰੁ ਕਚੁ ਪਾਜੋ ॥
होरि मनमुख दाजु जि रखि दिखालहि सु कूड़ु अहंकारु कचु पाजो ॥
Any other dowry, which the self-willed manmukhs offer for show, is only false egotism and a worthless display.

ਹਰਿ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਮੇਰੇ ਬਾਬੁਲਾ ਹਰਿ ਦੇਵਹੁ ਦਾਨੁ ਮੈ ਦਾਜੋ ॥੪॥
हरि प्रभ मेरे बाबुला हरि देवहु दानु मै दाजो ॥४॥
O my father, please give me the Name of the Lord God as my wedding gift and dowry. ||4||

SGGS-79

"As you sow, so you shall reap"

There are certain laws which are involved in our actions and interactions.
They are not human laws requiring lawyers to interpret or the police to
enforce. They are natural laws which are constantly operating in every
relationship. They are often called the Laws of Karma (action): briefly
described by the saying, "As you sow, so you shall reap”, described by
Isaac Newton as the Laws of Motion i.e. 'for every action, there is an equal
and opposite reaction'. The Laws of Karma remind us that whatever quality
of energy we give out, we get back. This might not be exactly 'an eye for
an eye', but if we give happiness to someone, it will come back to us; if we
give pain or sorrow, it will come back, perhaps not today or tomorrow, but
at some time in the future.
Most of us are conditioned by the idea that we are responsible for some of
our actions, but not all of them. For example, we would consider ourselves
responsible for the actions which bring our colleagues together for a task
at work but would not consider ourselves responsible for the argument we
have with a neighbour. We would consider ourselves responsible for driving
our family safely to their holiday destination, but if we nearly have an
accident because we were trying to get there quickly we might consider the
other driver responsible for nearly causing the accident. If we sustain
our family through our own enterprise and professional efforts we would take
the credit, but if we turned to a life of crime to clothe and feed ourselves
we might blame the inequalities of society or the years of a difficult
childhood.


Life can be seen as a series of responses which we each create in our
interactions with other people and events. The Laws of action also serve to remind us that our
circumstances and our personality today are the result of what we thought
and did yesterday, last month, last year, perhaps in our last birth. Many
people do not like this idea or find it difficult to accept because most of
us have been taught that our destiny lies in someone else's hands or in the
hands of fate or luck, about which we can do nothing.It is a law which teaches
us that there is no such thing as luck and that whatever happens to us today
is the result of our benevolent (positive) or negative actions in the past.
If you spend a few moments reflecting on events in your life, without
judgment or emotion, you will begin to see connections between actions and
results, causes and effects.

Gurbani Says-
ਪੂਰਬਿ ਲਿਖਿਆ ਸੁ ਕਰਮੁ ਕਮਾਇਆ ॥
पूरबि लिखिआ सु करमु कमाइआ ॥
Pūrab likẖi▫ā so karam kamā▫i▫ā.
According to their pre-ordained destiny, they act out their karma.

Being Impressed By Others – Is It Beneficial? * *

To keep our self esteem intact, we need to make sure that we do not have an
impressionable intellect. Being impressed by people, in itself, is not bad,
but we can fall into the tendency of staying trapped in the superfluous
(excessive and unnecessary) and in appearances. What impresses us influences
us and even moulds our awareness at that moment. We lose the ability to
create our thoughts and feelings and these are influenced by the impression
that we have allowed the other person to leave on us. Sometimes the
impression is such that we completely give ourselves to it. We give up our
power to the other, and we allow them to dominate our emotional world. The
results of allowing oneself to be impressed are varied and on different
levels.


For example, when we are impressed by the other's position; it is fine to
respect the authority and the position of the other, but when we allow their
position to impress us, our ability to relate to the person in a smooth way
is blocked. This can make it difficult for us to be the authority in our own
life.


Another example is when we are impressed by the achievements of the other
and put them on a pedestal. We compare ourselves with him or her and have
weak thoughts of ourselves, such as that we are not as good or effective as
them, or we might feel jealousy or guilt. All of this acts as an obstacle on
the path towards our own achievement.


It is good to recognise and appreciate the achievements and skills of
others, but when we allow them to impress us, in some way, we submit
ourselves to their influence and we weaken our self-esteem and our respect
towards ourselves. Without realizing, we use the other to fill a gap that we
feel in ourselves. This will not always work. It will not strengthen us;
rather it will create a dependency and dependencies weaken us.
** *

Gurbani Says-
ਜਗ ਸਿਉ ਝੂਠ ਪ੍ਰੀਤਿ ਮਨੁ ਬੇਧਿਆ ਜਨ ਸਿਉ ਵਾਦੁ ਰਚਾਈ ॥
जग सिउ झूठ प्रीति मनु बेधिआ जन सिउ वादु रचाई ॥
Jag si▫o jẖūṯẖ parīṯ man beḏẖi▫ā jan si▫o vāḏ racẖā▫ī.
The mind is impressed with the false love of the world; he quarrels with the Lord's humble servant.

ਮਾਇਆ ਮਗਨੁ ਅਹਿਨਿਸਿ ਮਗੁ ਜੋਹੈ ਨਾਮੁ ਨ ਲੇਵੈ ਮਰੈ ਬਿਖੁ ਖਾਈ ॥
माइआ मगनु अहिनिसि मगु जोहै नामु न लेवै मरै बिखु खाई ॥
Mā▫i▫ā magan ahinis mag johai nām na levai marai bikẖ kẖā▫ī.
Infatuated with Maya, night and day, he sees only the worldly path; he does not chant the Naam, and drinking poison, he dies.

ਗੰਧਣ ਵੈਣਿ ਰਤਾ ਹਿਤਕਾਰੀ ਸਬਦੈ ਸੁਰਤਿ ਨ ਆਈ ॥
गंधण वैणि रता हितकारी सबदै सुरति न आई ॥
Ganḏẖaṇ vaiṇ raṯā hiṯkārī sabḏai suraṯ na ā▫ī.
He is imbued and infatuated with vicious talk; the Word of the Shabad does not come into his consciousness.

ਰੰਗਿ ਨ ਰਾਤਾ ਰਸਿ ਨਹੀ ਬੇਧਿਆ ਮਨਮੁਖਿ ਪਤਿ ਗਵਾਈ ॥੨॥
रंगि न राता रसि नही बेधिआ मनमुखि पति गवाई ॥२॥
Rang na rāṯā ras nahī beḏẖi▫ā manmukẖ paṯ gavā▫ī. ||2||
He is not imbued with the Lord's Love, and he is not impressed by the taste of the Name; the self-willed manmukh loses his honor. ||2||

Page no-596 sri Guru Granth saheb ji
Guru Nanak Dev ji

Who shuts down our ability to create choices?

The reason we sometimes cannot see the other options, when faced with a
challenging situation, is because our deepest learned habit is to create
fear and then react from that fear, and it's fear that shuts down our
ability to create choices, not to mention paralyzing our ability to assess
the strengths and weakness of each option and make the right choice. We have
been taught to believe that the fear is normal and natural. But the truth is
that the fear paralyses our ability to create what may be much more
appropriate and effective responses. Fear is a learned habit and very soon
we are generating fearfulness at the slightest perceived threat. Contrary to
popular belief, fear has absolutely no value to our well-being. E.g. You
don't even need fear to respond effectively to the unexpected encounter with
a tiger. You need the cool, calm and concentrated focus of the gymnast and
the creativity of the artist to respond effectively. It's not the tiger that
scares you, it's what you do with the tiger in your mind that generates the
fear. Who or what are the tigers or fears in your life? What are you doing
with them in your mind?*


Shri Guru Amar Das ji says-
(Page no-647 in shriGuru Granth Saheb ji)


ਸਲੋਕੁ ਮਃ ੩ ॥
सलोकु मः ३ ॥
Salok mėhlā 3.
Shalok, Third Mehl:

ਪਰਥਾਇ ਸਾਖੀ ਮਹਾ ਪੁਰਖ ਬੋਲਦੇ ਸਾਝੀ ਸਗਲ ਜਹਾਨੈ ॥
परथाइ साखी महा पुरख बोलदे साझी सगल जहानै ॥
Parthā▫e sākẖī mahā purakẖ bolḏe sājẖī sagal jahānai.
Great men speak the teachings by relating them to individual situations, but the whole world shares in them.

ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਹੋਇ ਸੁ ਭਉ ਕਰੇ ਆਪਣਾ ਆਪੁ ਪਛਾਣੈ ॥
गुरमुखि होइ सु भउ करे आपणा आपु पछाणै ॥
Gurmukẖ ho▫e so bẖa▫o kare āpṇā āp pacẖẖāṇai.
One who becomes Gurmukh knows the Fear of God, and realizes his own self.

ਗੁਰ ਪਰਸਾਦੀ ਜੀਵਤੁ ਮਰੈ ਤਾ ਮਨ ਹੀ ਤੇ ਮਨੁ ਮਾਨੈ ॥
गुर परसादी जीवतु मरै ता मन ही ते मनु मानै ॥
Gur parsādī jīvaṯ marai ṯā man hī ṯe man mānai.
If, by Guru's Grace, one remains dead while yet alive, the mind becomes content in itself.

ਜਿਨ ਕਉ ਮਨ ਕੀ ਪਰਤੀਤਿ ਨਾਹੀ ਨਾਨਕ ਸੇ ਕਿਆ ਕਥਹਿ ਗਿਆਨੈ ॥੧॥
जिन कउ मन की परतीति नाही नानक से किआ कथहि गिआनै ॥१॥
Jin ka▫o man kī parṯīṯ nāhī Nānak se ki▫ā kathėh gi▫ānai. ||1||
Those who have no faith in their own minds, O Nanak - how can they speak of spiritual wisdom? ||1||

Time is running away from us.

How often do we convince ourselves that by delaying doing something today,
we will have more time tomorrow. This is how we make it 'seem' that time is
running away from us. And when tomorrow comes the same thing happens – we
find another reason, another excuse to postpone. Why do we do this? Because
we don't feel like doing it says one inner voice, because there are more
important things to be done says another voice. And a third voice says
someone else could do it, should do it, will do it. And yet another voice
says 'it's not that important'! Are any of these voices speaking the truth,
or is there something deeper going on.


Procrastination (Delaying) is an obvious form of avoidance, but what is it
that we are avoiding? Is it the task itself? Is it the possible outcome
which might be less than we expect? Or is it something within ourselves.
Procrastination (Delaying) is one way we avoid seeing ourselves, or aspects
of ourselves, which we would rather not face, acknowledge, explore, resolve
and change.

Shri Guru Arjun Dev ji says -Page no.50

ਸਿਰੀਰਾਗੁ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ॥
सिरीरागु महला ५ ॥
Sirīrāg mėhlā 5.
Siree Raag, Fifth Mehl:

ਮਿਠਾ ਕਰਿ ਕੈ ਖਾਇਆ ਕਉੜਾ ਉਪਜਿਆ ਸਾਦੁ ॥
मिठा करि कै खाइआ कउड़ा उपजिआ सादु ॥
Miṯẖā kar kai kẖā▫i▫ā ka▫uṛā upji▫ā sāḏ.
People eat what they believe to be sweet, but it turns out to be bitter in taste.

ਭਾਈ ਮੀਤ ਸੁਰਿਦ ਕੀਏ ਬਿਖਿਆ ਰਚਿਆ ਬਾਦੁ ॥
भाई मीत सुरिद कीए बिखिआ रचिआ बादु ॥
Bẖā▫ī mīṯ suriḏ kī▫e bikẖi▫ā racẖi▫ā bāḏ.
They attach their affections to brothers and friends, uselessly engrossed in corruption.

ਜਾਂਦੇ ਬਿਲਮ ਨ ਹੋਵਈ ਵਿਣੁ ਨਾਵੈ ਬਿਸਮਾਦੁ ॥੧॥
जांदे बिलम न होवई विणु नावै बिसमादु ॥१॥
Jāʼnḏe bilam na hova▫ī viṇ nāvai bismāḏ. ||1||
They vanish without a moment's delay; without God's Name, they are stunned and amazed. ||1||

ਮੇਰੇ ਮਨ ਸਤਗੁਰ ਕੀ ਸੇਵਾ ਲਾਗੁ ॥
मेरे मन सतगुर की सेवा लागु ॥
Mere man saṯgur kī sevā lāg.
O my mind, attach yourself to the service of the True Guru.

ਜੋ ਦੀਸੈ ਸੋ ਵਿਣਸਣਾ ਮਨ ਕੀ ਮਤਿ ਤਿਆਗੁ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
जो दीसै सो विणसणा मन की मति तिआगु ॥१॥ रहाउ ॥
Jo ḏīsai so viṇsaṇā man kī maṯ ṯi▫āg. ||1|| rahā▫o.
Whatever is seen, shall pass away. Abandon the intellectualizations of your mind. ||1||Pause||

Attachment is a mistake

Why do you suffer so much when things that you have brought so close to you
are changed or lost? It is because they are too close. When someone damages
your car and you suffer it is because you think you are the car! This is the
deepest mistake. It is the deepest cause of the suffering called anger. You
are not aware of this of course, but if you were to take a moment and see
what you were doing in your own mind, you would see you have brought the
image of the car up on the screen of your mind. You have then gone into that
image of the car in your mind, and you have lost your 'sense of self' in the
image of the car. In effect you identify with the car. So if the car outside
is scratched or damaged in any way, it feels like it is happening to you
and, as a result, you become disturbed. The disturbance is called anger. In
spiritual terms this would be called attachment. Attachment is a mistake we
all make within our consciousness and it creates what is known as ego. From
a spiritual point of view, ego is the root of all suffering, and all
suffering can be found and felt at an emotional level in the various forms
of fear, anger and sadness.


If you don't want to suffer from fear, anger or sadness, don't get attached
to anything or anyone, to any expectation, any item, any particular outcome
(result). That does not mean you shouldn't have possessions. It does not
mean you can't have people around you that you love. Nor does it mean you
don't have expectations, goals, etc. You do. But your relationship with them
changes. Detachment means you are no longer dependent on any of them for
your peace and happiness. You choose to be peaceful and content anyway. So
when possessions are damaged or when people leave or die or when
expectations are not met, all of which are inevitable, you don't become
discontent. You have realized everything in life comes and goes, everything
decays, every dynamic process is unpredictable and uncontrollable, and must
end. You know this is a reality. Every time you get angry it means you are
having an argument with this reality.



Gurbani says that-

ਸਿਰੀਰਾਗੁ ਮਹਲਾ ੩ ॥
सिरीरागु महला ३ ॥
Sirīrāg mėhlā 3.
Siree Raag, Third Mehl:

ਗੁਣਵੰਤੀ ਸਚੁ ਪਾਇਆ ਤ੍ਰਿਸਨਾ ਤਜਿ ਵਿਕਾਰ ॥
गुणवंती सचु पाइआ त्रिसना तजि विकार ॥
Guṇvanṯī sacẖ pā▫i▫ā ṯarisnā ṯaj vikār.

The virtuous obtain Truth; they give up their desires for evil and corruption.


ਗੁਰ ਸਬਦੀ ਮਨੁ ਰੰਗਿਆ ਰਸਨਾ ਪ੍ਰੇਮ ਪਿਆਰਿ ॥
गुर सबदी मनु रंगिआ रसना प्रेम पिआरि ॥
Gur sabḏī man rangi▫ā rasnā parem pi▫ār.

Their minds are imbued with the Word of the Guru's Shabad; the Love of their Beloved is on their tongues.


ਬਿਨੁ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਕਿਨੈ ਨ ਪਾਇਓ ਕਰਿ ਵੇਖਹੁ ਮਨਿ ਵੀਚਾਰਿ ॥
बिनु सतिगुर किनै न पाइओ करि वेखहु मनि वीचारि ॥
Bin saṯgur kinai na pā▫i▫o kar vekẖhu man vīcẖār.

Without the True Guru, no one has found Him; reflect upon this in your mind and see.


ਮਨਮੁਖ ਮੈਲੁ ਨ ਉਤਰੈ ਜਿਚਰੁ ਗੁਰ ਸਬਦਿ ਨ ਕਰੇ ਪਿਆਰੁ ॥੧॥
मनमुख मैलु न उतरै जिचरु गुर सबदि न करे पिआरु ॥१॥
Manmukẖ mail na uṯrai jicẖar gur sabaḏ na kare pi▫ār. ||1||

The filth of the self-willed manmukhs is not washed off; they have no love for the Guru's Shabad. ||1||

How I value myself

Self-esteem comes when I really value myself: When I place value on myself,
then others, too, will value me. When I don't value myself, how can I expect
others to value me? If I continuously put myself down, saying 'I'm no good'
or 'I am not capable', other people who hear this will start believing it.
So what do I do? The key word is 'consciousness'. As I start to become make
my consciousness positive by creating positive thoughts many times in the
day about myself like “I am the most fortunate soul in the universe” or “I
am a victorious soul, I cannot experience failure in any step in life” or “I
am a self sovereign soul, ruler of my sense organs” or “I am a destroyer of
obstacles” or “I am a spiritual rose flower who spreads the fragrance of
divine qualities” or similar thoughts, I become spiritually alert, then I am
in a position to start valuing my life and as I start valuing myself, I
develop self-confidence. The effect of this is that I start valuing others,
understanding that everyone has their own position: not higher or lower,
just different. Each one's uniqueness has its value.*


Gurbani says-

ਨਾਨਕ ਪਰਖੇ ਆਪ ਕਉ ਤਾ ਪਾਰਖੁ ਜਾਣੁ ॥: Nanak parkhe aap kayu ta paarakh jaan: O Nanak, if someone judges himself, only then is he known as a real judge (Sri Guru Granth Sahib 14.
ਇਸੁ ਮਨ ਕਉ ਕੋਈ ਖੋਜਹੁ ਭਾਈ ॥: Is mann kayu koee khojo bhaaee: Let each person examine his own mind, O brother (Sri Guru Granth Sahib 112.

Expectations

*We do realize inside ourselves that if we expect anything of anyone, one
day we will be let down, so we create the emotion of disappointment, turn
that into anger, and turn that back into fear (that it may happen again).
And it’s all going on in our own minds. The only cure for this cycle of
negative thinking is not to expect anything of anyone. But then you say,
“how is this possible, you have to have expectations that someone will call
you up when you expect him/her to do so, someone will do the job that you
have given him/her correctly, that your child will come home safe and
sound...don’t you?” Well do you? Expectations are not compulsory. And once
we see that they lead to pain maybe we can learn to live without them. But
if you cannot be expectation free instantly, a cure for that is as follows -
have expectations, but don’t get attached to your expectations. Another way
of saying this is don’t let your happiness be dependent on having your
expectations met. No one said this was easy, but it is possible. There will
always be someone who does not do the given task, or arrive at the right
time, or even simply call you as you expected. *

Gurbani says-

ਰਾਗੁ ਸੂਹੀ ਅਸਟਪਦੀਆ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ਘਰੁ ੧
रागु सूही असटपदीआ महला ५ घरु १
Rāg sūhī asatpaḏī▫ā mėhlā 5 gẖar 1
Raag Soohee, Ashtapadees, Fifth Mehl, First House:

ੴ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਪ੍ਰਸਾਦਿ ॥
ੴ सतिगुर प्रसादि ॥
Ik▫oaʼnkār saṯgur parsāḏ.
One Universal Creator God. By The Grace Of The True Guru:

ਉਰਝਿ ਰਹਿਓ ਬਿਖਿਆ ਕੈ ਸੰਗਾ ॥
उरझि रहिओ बिखिआ कै संगा ॥
Urajẖ rahi▫o bikẖi▫ā kai sangā.
He is entangled in sinful associations;

ਮਨਹਿ ਬਿਆਪਤ ਅਨਿਕ ਤਰੰਗਾ ॥੧॥
मनहि बिआपत अनिक तरंगा ॥१॥
Manėh bi▫āpaṯ anik ṯarangā. ||1||
his mind is troubled by so very many waves. ||1||

ਮੇਰੇ ਮਨ ਅਗਮ ਅਗੋਚਰ ॥
मेरे मन अगम अगोचर ॥
Mere man agam agocẖar.
The one who is Unapproachable and Incomprehensible; O my mind,

ਕਤ ਪਾਈਐ ਪੂਰਨ ਪਰਮੇਸਰ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
कत पाईऐ पूरन परमेसर ॥१॥ रहाउ ॥
Kaṯ pā▫ī▫ai pūran parmesar. ||1|| rahā▫o.
how can that Perfect Transcendent Lord be found? ||1||Pause||

ਮੋਹ ਮਗਨ ਮਹਿ ਰਹਿਆ ਬਿਆਪੇ ॥
मोह मगन महि रहिआ बिआपे ॥
Moh magan mėh rahi▫ā bi▫āpe.
He remains entangled in the intoxication of worldly love.

ਅਤਿ ਤ੍ਰਿਸਨਾ ਕਬਹੂ ਨਹੀ ਧ੍ਰਾਪੇ ॥੨॥
अति त्रिसना कबहू नही ध्रापे ॥२॥
Aṯ ṯarisnā kabhū nahī ḏẖarāpe. ||2||
His excessive thirst is never quenched. ||2||

ਬਸਇ ਕਰੋਧੁ ਸਰੀਰਿ ਚੰਡਾਰਾ ॥
बसइ करोधु सरीरि चंडारा ॥
Bas▫i karoḏẖ sarīr cẖandārā.
Anger is the outcaste which hides within his body;

ਅਗਿਆਨਿ ਨ ਸੂਝੈ ਮਹਾ ਗੁਬਾਰਾ ॥੩॥
अगिआनि न सूझै महा गुबारा ॥३॥
Agi▫ān na sūjẖai mahā gubārā. ||3||
he is in the utter darkness of ignorance, and he does not understand. ||3||

ਭ੍ਰਮਤ ਬਿਆਪਤ ਜਰੇ ਕਿਵਾਰਾ ॥
भ्रमत बिआपत जरे किवारा ॥
Bẖarmaṯ bi▫āpaṯ jare kivārā.
Afflicted by doubt, the shutters are shut tight;

ਜਾਣੁ ਨ ਪਾਈਐ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਦਰਬਾਰਾ ॥੪॥
जाणु न पाईऐ प्रभ दरबारा ॥४॥
Jāṇ na pā▫ī▫ai parabẖ ḏarbārā. ||4||
he cannot go to God's Court. ||4||


Shri Guru Granth Sahib Page 759(Shri Guru Arjun Dv ji)



*
Exercise: **Who are the two people in your life today from whom you have
high expectations? Do y**ou think it is healthy to have these expectations?
What will you feel if your expectations are not met? What could you do to
make sure that you do not go into disappointment but stay positive when
someone does not fulfill their commitments, which are/were your
expectations?*

Types Of Fears

**
Fear comes daily and often in our lives in the form of stress, worry,
anxiety and in a variety of other wasteful and negative forms. Let us look
at some of the types of fear human beings suffer from:

* The unknown - for example, death or a new situation.

* Loneliness - sometimes people fear loneliness to the extent that they
cannot bear their own company, preferring to lose themselves in superficial
(artificial) relationships and activities.

* The future - as the problems of the world increase, whether political,
economic, environmental or social, this creates, or adds to, personal and
collective fear of the future.

* Illness - sometimes because of fear of disease, people make their sickness
worse than it is, or live in fear of inflicting (getting) something
horrible.

* Other people - usually this is the greatest fear of all: fear of others'
anger, rejection, judgement and violence.

** Failure - some people avoid doing something, or choose not to act,
because their fear of failure weakens initiative and confidence.*

** Authority - this can be fear of a parent, of a boss, even of God. Because
authority has often been misused, in order to control and suppress people,
it is a normal result that fear, in the form of suspicion and mistrust, has
become such a negative force, both personally and collectively, in society.
*
*There are many reasons for these types of fear, but the main ones include:*

** Past experiences, which brought disappointment, insecurity, or wariness
(caution).*


** Lack of faith in one's self and in others.*


** The need for approval, to belong, or to be accepted.*


** The habit of seeing things negatively.*

Gurbani Says-

ਜਿਨਾ ਰਾਸਿ ਨ ਸਚੁ ਹੈ ਕਿਉ ਤਿਨਾ ਸੁਖੁ ਹੋਇ ॥
जिना रासि न सचु है किउ तिना सुखु होइ ॥
Jinā rās na sacẖ hai ki▫o ṯinā sukẖ ho▫e.
Those who do not have the Assets of Truth-how can they find peace?

ਖੋਟੈ ਵਣਜਿ ਵਣੰਜਿਐ ਮਨੁ ਤਨੁ ਖੋਟਾ ਹੋਇ ॥
खोटै वणजि वणंजिऐ मनु तनु खोटा होइ ॥
Kẖotai vaṇaj vaṇanji▫ai man ṯan kẖotā ho▫e.
By dealing their deals of falsehood, their minds and bodies become false.

ਫਾਹੀ ਫਾਥੇ ਮਿਰਗ ਜਿਉ ਦੂਖੁ ਘਣੋ ਨਿਤ ਰੋਇ ॥੨॥
फाही फाथे मिरग जिउ दूखु घणो नित रोइ ॥२॥
Fāhī fāthe mirag ji▫o ḏūkẖ gẖaṇo niṯ ro▫e. ||2||
Like the deer caught in the trap, they suffer in terrible agony; they continually cry out in pain. ||2||

ਖੋਟੇ ਪੋਤੈ ਨਾ ਪਵਹਿ ਤਿਨ ਹਰਿ ਗੁਰ ਦਰਸੁ ਨ ਹੋਇ ॥
खोटे पोतै ना पवहि तिन हरि गुर दरसु न होइ ॥
Kẖote poṯai nā pavėh ṯin har gur ḏaras na ho▫e.
The counterfeit coins are not put into the Treasury; they do not obtain the Blessed Vision of the Lord-Guru.

ਖੋਟੇ ਜਾਤਿ ਨ ਪਤਿ ਹੈ ਖੋਟਿ ਨ ਸੀਝਸਿ ਕੋਇ ॥
खोटे जाति न पति है खोटि न सीझसि कोइ ॥
Kẖote jāṯ na paṯ hai kẖot na sījẖas ko▫e.
The false ones have no social status or honor. No one succeeds through falsehood.

ਖੋਟੇ ਖੋਟੁ ਕਮਾਵਣਾ ਆਇ ਗਇਆ ਪਤਿ ਖੋਇ ॥੩॥
खोटे खोटु कमावणा आइ गइआ पति खोइ ॥३॥
Kẖote kẖot kamāvaṇā ā▫e ga▫i▫ā paṯ kẖo▫e. ||3||
Practicing falsehood again and again, people come and go in reincarnation, and forfeit their honor. ||3||

ਨਾਨਕ ਮਨੁ ਸਮਝਾਈਐ ਗੁਰ ਕੈ ਸਬਦਿ ਸਾਲਾਹ ॥
नानक मनु समझाईऐ गुर कै सबदि सालाह ॥
Nānak man samjā▫ī▫ai gur kai sabaḏ sālāh.
O Nanak, instruct your mind through the Word of the Guru's Shabad, and praise the Lord.

ਰਾਮ ਨਾਮ ਰੰਗਿ ਰਤਿਆ ਭਾਰੁ ਨ ਭਰਮੁ ਤਿਨਾਹ ॥
राम नाम रंगि रतिआ भारु न भरमु तिनाह ॥
Rām nām rang raṯi▫ā bẖār na bẖaram ṯināh.
Those who are imbued with the love of the Name of the Lord are not loaded down by doubt.

ਹਰਿ ਜਪਿ ਲਾਹਾ ਅਗਲਾ ਨਿਰਭਉ ਹਰਿ ਮਨ ਮਾਹ ॥੪॥੨੩॥
हरि जपि लाहा अगला निरभउ हरि मन माह ॥४॥२३॥
Har jap lāhā aglā nirbẖa▫o har man māh. ||4||23||
Those who chant the Name of the Lord earn great profits; the Fearless Lord abides within their minds. ||4||23||

Shri Guru Granth Saheb page no 21 (Shri Guru Nanak dev ji)

Self Empowerment

*
*
*


Make a list of your strengths and weaknesses. Now make up a series of
questions, which will judge how effectively you are using these strengths to
improve your personal and professional life, and what negative effects are
your weaknesses (shortcomings) having on the same. These are some of the
questions that you can ask yourself at the end of each week to monitor your
self-progress:


e.g. Which strengths if acquired would help me improve my worth (value) at
the workplace? Is any weakness of mine proving to be an obstacle (barrier)
in maintaining a healthy relationship with my family? Am I using my
strengths in empowering (strengthening) others? Does any weakness exist
inside me, which if removed would improve my level of contentment
(satisfaction) and lead to greater peace of mind?


Note down three main strengths and three important roles that you play in
your life. Now check if your strengths properly match the roles. If they do
not match, think if there is a new personality characteristic you need to
develop. If a particular role is self-selected, if it does not match your
strengths, is it a good role for you to be playing?

Self Esteem

Self-esteem and self-respect are closely connected. One is an integral part
of the other. One is not possible without the other. In relationships, when
other people are throwing all their negative energy at us, if we can
maintain our own self-respect we will be able to remain stable, positive and
unaffected. In fact, if our self -respect is strong, we will not feel the
need to return the negative energy, which they are sending us, but will be
able to return understanding and compassion (sympathy) instead. To regain,
build and strengthen our self-respect, we need to practice giving respect to
others – no matter what they are like, or what they do. What we rarely
realise is that in the process of respecting another, we are first of all
respecting ourself.


What does showing respect look like? (imagine different ways in which you
can convey respect to another person) - What do you think is the biggest
inner barrier to developing the ability to give respect to others?


Whom could you consciously choose to respect more today than you have up to
now? (remember that to be respectful you will need to be non-judgmental)
** *
*---------*

No one can insult you

*"I was so deeply insulted and hurt by what you said"
*


**


*No you weren't! You hurt yourself. You insulted yourself. It’s not what
others say to you that makes you feel what you feel; it’s what you do with
what others say to you in your mind that results in you creating the feeling
that you feeI! E.g. if you call me irresponsible that's your perception
(understanding) of me but it’s not my perception (understanding) of me. I
know I am not irresponsible. I can only conclude that either you don't know
me very well, or you have not yet learned to separate the person from their
behaviour, or you yourself are thinking and feeling negative for some reason
and that’s why you are perceiving (understanding) me as irresponsible.
Finally, no one can insult you, and no one 'makes' you feel anything.*

Self Management

It is only in our relationships that we can truly know ourselves. We are a
mirror for each other. What we give to others at the level of our thoughts,
feelings and attitudes is what we give to ourselves, and will finally come
back from others. Our relationships are the real workshop, classroom,
learning laboratory of our life. Relationship is not simply getting along
with others, it is about understanding, building, nourishing and caring.
Every interaction carries a lesson. Take one relationship, look at it,
explore it and ask yourself what does it tell you about yourself and your
life so far. Let your relationships reveal you to yourself. As you do you
will naturally learn what makes relationships work, or not work, as the case
may be! And the more you get to know yourself in the mirror of your
relationships the more easily you will be able to understand others.


Who is one person who is close to you and one person who is not so close? Now
reflect (think) on each relationship and write down what each of these
people seems to bring out in you when you are with them. What part of your
self would you want to see more developed in each of these relationships
e.g. humour, patience, humility (egolessness) etc.? What will you do today
to develop these aspects of your personality?

"STOP FEMALE FOETICIDE"

I know its sound absurd but its true .
we become modern by our dressing sense or hair style but by thinking we r still living in 1940.
I am talking specially India And Pakistan people.
Did u ever hear blessing for newly married couple BETII HOO (girl will born ) no never wat we hear is BETA HOO ( boy will born ).
I am telling you ma Bhabi story
we got worlds loveliest daughter n naughty too but the day she born we got shocked by the words of nurse she said to ma bhabi “Koi naa dukh naa mana munda hoyaegaa aagli varii mai lae chalngii tainuu docter dae kool jae dobara kurii hoyii tae ooh abort kar daega”
Damn wat kind of people they are don’t they love their mom , sister how can they even think bout that
After that we faced problems from our relatives coz of female baby. Its not only bout us its bout all people. we belong to middle class of family wat I am thinking now wat bout lower class. We have to think wats going on n wat we can do our best to remove these kind of thing.

oye loko dhee na maar deyo
challiye ni dheeyan hundia dheeyan
dheeyan baaj na laggn teeyan

je dhee apni nu udo maar dinda mera nanna
na mera peyo na main hunda gurdas mann marjana

challiye ni dheeyan hundia dheeyan
dheeyan baaj na laggn teeyan

keh gaye sach siyane jee han
dheeyan nu satkaar deyo

rabb de kamm wich vich pauga
dhee na maar deyo...

rabb de kamm wich vich pauga
dhee na maar deyo...

oye loko......dhee na maar deyo....oye loko...!