*Acceptance*

Resistance is always worthless as it only Sustains Your Suffering*
Whenever anger appears inside your mind, you will notice that you are in a
state of resistance, or non-acceptance, towards an event, a set of
circumstance or the other person - sometimes all three. Resistance is the
seed of all conflict between people. Resistance sustains the cycle of
violence with others and with yourself, and it is driven by the emotions of
fear and anger. This is why the first step to resolve all conflict is always
acceptance. It is to accept the past is past and nothing can change it. It
is to accept that other people's behaviour cannot be controlled, because you
cannot control their thoughts and decisions, and you definitely cannot
control their beliefs and perceptions (ways of looking at things).
Acceptance means that you are able to think calmly, see clearly, create
options and make better decisions. Acceptance is the first step out of
anger, out of your self-inflicted pain and suffering, and into peace.

shri Guru Granth Saheb-page 127
ਦੂਜੈ ਭਾਇ ਪੜੈ ਨਹੀ ਬੂਝੈ ॥
दूजै भाइ पड़ै नही बूझै ॥
Ḏūjai bẖā▫e paṛai nahī būjẖai.
One who reads, while attached to duality, does not understand.

ਤ੍ਰਿਬਿਧਿ ਮਾਇਆ ਕਾਰਣਿ ਲੂਝੈ ॥
त्रिबिधि माइआ कारणि लूझै ॥
Ŧaribaḏẖ mā▫i▫ā kāraṇ lūjẖai.
He yearns for the three-phased Maya.

ਤ੍ਰਿਬਿਧਿ ਬੰਧਨ ਤੂਟਹਿ ਗੁਰ ਸਬਦੀ ਗੁਰ ਸਬਦੀ ਮੁਕਤਿ ਕਰਾਵਣਿਆ ॥੩॥
त्रिबिधि बंधन तूटहि गुर सबदी गुर सबदी मुकति करावणिआ ॥३॥
Ŧaribaḏẖ banḏẖan ṯūtėh gur sabḏī gur sabḏī mukaṯ karāvaṇi▫ā. ||3||
The bonds of the three-phased Maya are broken by the Word of the Guru's Shabad. Through the Guru's Shabad, liberation is achieved. ||3||

ਇਹੁ ਮਨੁ ਚੰਚਲੁ ਵਸਿ ਨ ਆਵੈ ॥
इहु मनु चंचलु वसि न आवै ॥
Ih man cẖancẖal vas na āvai.
This unstable mind cannot be held steady.

ਦੁਬਿਧਾ ਲਾਗੈ ਦਹ ਦਿਸਿ ਧਾਵੈ ॥
दुबिधा लागै दह दिसि धावै ॥
Ḏubiḏẖā lāgai ḏah ḏis ḏẖāvai.
Attached to duality, it wanders in the ten directions.

ਬਿਖੁ ਕਾ ਕੀੜਾ ਬਿਖੁ ਮਹਿ ਰਾਤਾ ਬਿਖੁ ਹੀ ਮਾਹਿ ਪਚਾਵਣਿਆ ॥੪॥
बिखु का कीड़ा बिखु महि राता बिखु ही माहि पचावणिआ ॥४॥
Bikẖ kā kīṛā bikẖ mėh rāṯā bikẖ hī māhi pacẖāvaṇi▫ā. ||4||
It is a poisonous worm, drenched with poison, and in poison it rots away. ||4||

ਹਉ ਹਉ ਕਰੇ ਤੈ ਆਪੁ ਜਣਾਏ ॥
हउ हउ करे तै आपु जणाए ॥
Ha▫o ha▫o kare ṯai āp jaṇā▫e.
Practicing egotism and selfishness, they try to impress others by showing off.

ਬਹੁ ਕਰਮ ਕਰੈ ਕਿਛੁ ਥਾਇ ਨ ਪਾਏ ॥
बहु करम करै किछु थाइ न पाए ॥
Baho karam karai kicẖẖ thā▫e na pā▫e.
They perform all sorts of rituals, but they gain no acceptance.

ਤੁਝ ਤੇ ਬਾਹਰਿ ਕਿਛੂ ਨ ਹੋਵੈ ਬਖਸੇ ਸਬਦਿ ਸੁਹਾਵਣਿਆ ॥੫॥
तुझ ते बाहरि किछू न होवै बखसे सबदि सुहावणिआ ॥५॥
Ŧujẖ ṯe bāhar kicẖẖū na hovai bakẖse sabaḏ suhāvaṇi▫ā. ||5||
Without You, Lord, nothing happens at all. You forgive those who are adorned with the Word of Your Shabad. ||5||

Believe in Yourself

There may be days when you get up in the morning and things aren't the way you had hoped they would be.

That's when you have to tell yourself that things will get better. There are times when people disappoint you and let you down.

But those are the times when you must remind yourself to trust your own judgments and opinions, to keep your life focused on believing in yourself.

There will be challenges to face and changes to make in your life, and it is up to you to accept them.

Constantly keep yourself headed in the right direction for you. It may not be easy at times, but in those times of struggle you will find a stronger sense of who you are.

So when the days come that are filled with frustration and unexpected responsibilities, remember to believe in yourself and all you want your life to be.

Because the challenges and changes will only help you to find the goals that you know are meant to come true for you.

Keep Believing in Yourself

Dowry in Sikh Faith !

The Sikh Gurus spoke against the common practice of dowry when a gift of money or valuables had to be given by the bride's family to that of the groom at the time of their marriage.

Huge pressure was exerted on the bride's family for the extraction of a sizeable fortune at times of marriage.

It has been regarded as contribution of her family to the married household's expenses.

The Guru's called this giving of gifts an "offer for show" of the guests and a "worthless display" which only increase the "false egotism".

Dowry was prohibited amongst the followers of the Gurus.




ਹਰਿ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਮੇਰੇ ਬਾਬੁਲਾ ਹਰਿ ਦੇਵਹੁ ਦਾਨੁ ਮੈ ਦਾਜੋ ॥
हरि प्रभु मेरे बाबुला हरि देवहु दानु मै दाजो ॥
O my father, give me the Name of the Lord God as my wedding gift and dowry.

ਹਰਿ ਕਪੜੋ ਹਰਿ ਸੋਭਾ ਦੇਵਹੁ ਜਿਤੁ ਸਵਰੈ ਮੇਰਾ ਕਾਜੋ ॥
हरि कपड़ो हरि सोभा देवहु जितु सवरै मेरा काजो ॥
Give me the Lord as my wedding gown, and the Lord as my glory, to accomplish my works.

ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਭਗਤੀ ਕਾਜੁ ਸੁਹੇਲਾ ਗੁਰਿ ਸਤਿਗੁਰਿ ਦਾਨੁ ਦਿਵਾਇਆ ॥
हरि हरि भगती काजु सुहेला गुरि सतिगुरि दानु दिवाइआ ॥
Through devotional worship to the Lord, this ceremony is made blissful and beautiful; the Guru, the True Guru, has given this gift.

ਖੰਡਿ ਵਰਭੰਡਿ ਹਰਿ ਸੋਭਾ ਹੋਈ ਇਹੁ ਦਾਨੁ ਨ ਰਲੈ ਰਲਾਇਆ ॥
खंडि वरभंडि हरि सोभा होई इहु दानु न रलै रलाइआ ॥
Across the continents, and throughout the Universe, the Lord's Glory is pervading. This gift is not diminished by being diffused among all.

ਹੋਰਿ ਮਨਮੁਖ ਦਾਜੁ ਜਿ ਰਖਿ ਦਿਖਾਲਹਿ ਸੁ ਕੂੜੁ ਅਹੰਕਾਰੁ ਕਚੁ ਪਾਜੋ ॥
होरि मनमुख दाजु जि रखि दिखालहि सु कूड़ु अहंकारु कचु पाजो ॥
Any other dowry, which the self-willed manmukhs offer for show, is only false egotism and a worthless display.

ਹਰਿ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਮੇਰੇ ਬਾਬੁਲਾ ਹਰਿ ਦੇਵਹੁ ਦਾਨੁ ਮੈ ਦਾਜੋ ॥੪॥
हरि प्रभ मेरे बाबुला हरि देवहु दानु मै दाजो ॥४॥
O my father, please give me the Name of the Lord God as my wedding gift and dowry. ||4||

SGGS-79

"As you sow, so you shall reap"

There are certain laws which are involved in our actions and interactions.
They are not human laws requiring lawyers to interpret or the police to
enforce. They are natural laws which are constantly operating in every
relationship. They are often called the Laws of Karma (action): briefly
described by the saying, "As you sow, so you shall reap”, described by
Isaac Newton as the Laws of Motion i.e. 'for every action, there is an equal
and opposite reaction'. The Laws of Karma remind us that whatever quality
of energy we give out, we get back. This might not be exactly 'an eye for
an eye', but if we give happiness to someone, it will come back to us; if we
give pain or sorrow, it will come back, perhaps not today or tomorrow, but
at some time in the future.
Most of us are conditioned by the idea that we are responsible for some of
our actions, but not all of them. For example, we would consider ourselves
responsible for the actions which bring our colleagues together for a task
at work but would not consider ourselves responsible for the argument we
have with a neighbour. We would consider ourselves responsible for driving
our family safely to their holiday destination, but if we nearly have an
accident because we were trying to get there quickly we might consider the
other driver responsible for nearly causing the accident. If we sustain
our family through our own enterprise and professional efforts we would take
the credit, but if we turned to a life of crime to clothe and feed ourselves
we might blame the inequalities of society or the years of a difficult
childhood.


Life can be seen as a series of responses which we each create in our
interactions with other people and events. The Laws of action also serve to remind us that our
circumstances and our personality today are the result of what we thought
and did yesterday, last month, last year, perhaps in our last birth. Many
people do not like this idea or find it difficult to accept because most of
us have been taught that our destiny lies in someone else's hands or in the
hands of fate or luck, about which we can do nothing.It is a law which teaches
us that there is no such thing as luck and that whatever happens to us today
is the result of our benevolent (positive) or negative actions in the past.
If you spend a few moments reflecting on events in your life, without
judgment or emotion, you will begin to see connections between actions and
results, causes and effects.

Gurbani Says-
ਪੂਰਬਿ ਲਿਖਿਆ ਸੁ ਕਰਮੁ ਕਮਾਇਆ ॥
पूरबि लिखिआ सु करमु कमाइआ ॥
Pūrab likẖi▫ā so karam kamā▫i▫ā.
According to their pre-ordained destiny, they act out their karma.

Being Impressed By Others – Is It Beneficial? * *

To keep our self esteem intact, we need to make sure that we do not have an
impressionable intellect. Being impressed by people, in itself, is not bad,
but we can fall into the tendency of staying trapped in the superfluous
(excessive and unnecessary) and in appearances. What impresses us influences
us and even moulds our awareness at that moment. We lose the ability to
create our thoughts and feelings and these are influenced by the impression
that we have allowed the other person to leave on us. Sometimes the
impression is such that we completely give ourselves to it. We give up our
power to the other, and we allow them to dominate our emotional world. The
results of allowing oneself to be impressed are varied and on different
levels.


For example, when we are impressed by the other's position; it is fine to
respect the authority and the position of the other, but when we allow their
position to impress us, our ability to relate to the person in a smooth way
is blocked. This can make it difficult for us to be the authority in our own
life.


Another example is when we are impressed by the achievements of the other
and put them on a pedestal. We compare ourselves with him or her and have
weak thoughts of ourselves, such as that we are not as good or effective as
them, or we might feel jealousy or guilt. All of this acts as an obstacle on
the path towards our own achievement.


It is good to recognise and appreciate the achievements and skills of
others, but when we allow them to impress us, in some way, we submit
ourselves to their influence and we weaken our self-esteem and our respect
towards ourselves. Without realizing, we use the other to fill a gap that we
feel in ourselves. This will not always work. It will not strengthen us;
rather it will create a dependency and dependencies weaken us.
** *

Gurbani Says-
ਜਗ ਸਿਉ ਝੂਠ ਪ੍ਰੀਤਿ ਮਨੁ ਬੇਧਿਆ ਜਨ ਸਿਉ ਵਾਦੁ ਰਚਾਈ ॥
जग सिउ झूठ प्रीति मनु बेधिआ जन सिउ वादु रचाई ॥
Jag si▫o jẖūṯẖ parīṯ man beḏẖi▫ā jan si▫o vāḏ racẖā▫ī.
The mind is impressed with the false love of the world; he quarrels with the Lord's humble servant.

ਮਾਇਆ ਮਗਨੁ ਅਹਿਨਿਸਿ ਮਗੁ ਜੋਹੈ ਨਾਮੁ ਨ ਲੇਵੈ ਮਰੈ ਬਿਖੁ ਖਾਈ ॥
माइआ मगनु अहिनिसि मगु जोहै नामु न लेवै मरै बिखु खाई ॥
Mā▫i▫ā magan ahinis mag johai nām na levai marai bikẖ kẖā▫ī.
Infatuated with Maya, night and day, he sees only the worldly path; he does not chant the Naam, and drinking poison, he dies.

ਗੰਧਣ ਵੈਣਿ ਰਤਾ ਹਿਤਕਾਰੀ ਸਬਦੈ ਸੁਰਤਿ ਨ ਆਈ ॥
गंधण वैणि रता हितकारी सबदै सुरति न आई ॥
Ganḏẖaṇ vaiṇ raṯā hiṯkārī sabḏai suraṯ na ā▫ī.
He is imbued and infatuated with vicious talk; the Word of the Shabad does not come into his consciousness.

ਰੰਗਿ ਨ ਰਾਤਾ ਰਸਿ ਨਹੀ ਬੇਧਿਆ ਮਨਮੁਖਿ ਪਤਿ ਗਵਾਈ ॥੨॥
रंगि न राता रसि नही बेधिआ मनमुखि पति गवाई ॥२॥
Rang na rāṯā ras nahī beḏẖi▫ā manmukẖ paṯ gavā▫ī. ||2||
He is not imbued with the Lord's Love, and he is not impressed by the taste of the Name; the self-willed manmukh loses his honor. ||2||

Page no-596 sri Guru Granth saheb ji
Guru Nanak Dev ji

Who shuts down our ability to create choices?

The reason we sometimes cannot see the other options, when faced with a
challenging situation, is because our deepest learned habit is to create
fear and then react from that fear, and it's fear that shuts down our
ability to create choices, not to mention paralyzing our ability to assess
the strengths and weakness of each option and make the right choice. We have
been taught to believe that the fear is normal and natural. But the truth is
that the fear paralyses our ability to create what may be much more
appropriate and effective responses. Fear is a learned habit and very soon
we are generating fearfulness at the slightest perceived threat. Contrary to
popular belief, fear has absolutely no value to our well-being. E.g. You
don't even need fear to respond effectively to the unexpected encounter with
a tiger. You need the cool, calm and concentrated focus of the gymnast and
the creativity of the artist to respond effectively. It's not the tiger that
scares you, it's what you do with the tiger in your mind that generates the
fear. Who or what are the tigers or fears in your life? What are you doing
with them in your mind?*


Shri Guru Amar Das ji says-
(Page no-647 in shriGuru Granth Saheb ji)


ਸਲੋਕੁ ਮਃ ੩ ॥
सलोकु मः ३ ॥
Salok mėhlā 3.
Shalok, Third Mehl:

ਪਰਥਾਇ ਸਾਖੀ ਮਹਾ ਪੁਰਖ ਬੋਲਦੇ ਸਾਝੀ ਸਗਲ ਜਹਾਨੈ ॥
परथाइ साखी महा पुरख बोलदे साझी सगल जहानै ॥
Parthā▫e sākẖī mahā purakẖ bolḏe sājẖī sagal jahānai.
Great men speak the teachings by relating them to individual situations, but the whole world shares in them.

ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਹੋਇ ਸੁ ਭਉ ਕਰੇ ਆਪਣਾ ਆਪੁ ਪਛਾਣੈ ॥
गुरमुखि होइ सु भउ करे आपणा आपु पछाणै ॥
Gurmukẖ ho▫e so bẖa▫o kare āpṇā āp pacẖẖāṇai.
One who becomes Gurmukh knows the Fear of God, and realizes his own self.

ਗੁਰ ਪਰਸਾਦੀ ਜੀਵਤੁ ਮਰੈ ਤਾ ਮਨ ਹੀ ਤੇ ਮਨੁ ਮਾਨੈ ॥
गुर परसादी जीवतु मरै ता मन ही ते मनु मानै ॥
Gur parsādī jīvaṯ marai ṯā man hī ṯe man mānai.
If, by Guru's Grace, one remains dead while yet alive, the mind becomes content in itself.

ਜਿਨ ਕਉ ਮਨ ਕੀ ਪਰਤੀਤਿ ਨਾਹੀ ਨਾਨਕ ਸੇ ਕਿਆ ਕਥਹਿ ਗਿਆਨੈ ॥੧॥
जिन कउ मन की परतीति नाही नानक से किआ कथहि गिआनै ॥१॥
Jin ka▫o man kī parṯīṯ nāhī Nānak se ki▫ā kathėh gi▫ānai. ||1||
Those who have no faith in their own minds, O Nanak - how can they speak of spiritual wisdom? ||1||

Time is running away from us.

How often do we convince ourselves that by delaying doing something today,
we will have more time tomorrow. This is how we make it 'seem' that time is
running away from us. And when tomorrow comes the same thing happens – we
find another reason, another excuse to postpone. Why do we do this? Because
we don't feel like doing it says one inner voice, because there are more
important things to be done says another voice. And a third voice says
someone else could do it, should do it, will do it. And yet another voice
says 'it's not that important'! Are any of these voices speaking the truth,
or is there something deeper going on.


Procrastination (Delaying) is an obvious form of avoidance, but what is it
that we are avoiding? Is it the task itself? Is it the possible outcome
which might be less than we expect? Or is it something within ourselves.
Procrastination (Delaying) is one way we avoid seeing ourselves, or aspects
of ourselves, which we would rather not face, acknowledge, explore, resolve
and change.

Shri Guru Arjun Dev ji says -Page no.50

ਸਿਰੀਰਾਗੁ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ॥
सिरीरागु महला ५ ॥
Sirīrāg mėhlā 5.
Siree Raag, Fifth Mehl:

ਮਿਠਾ ਕਰਿ ਕੈ ਖਾਇਆ ਕਉੜਾ ਉਪਜਿਆ ਸਾਦੁ ॥
मिठा करि कै खाइआ कउड़ा उपजिआ सादु ॥
Miṯẖā kar kai kẖā▫i▫ā ka▫uṛā upji▫ā sāḏ.
People eat what they believe to be sweet, but it turns out to be bitter in taste.

ਭਾਈ ਮੀਤ ਸੁਰਿਦ ਕੀਏ ਬਿਖਿਆ ਰਚਿਆ ਬਾਦੁ ॥
भाई मीत सुरिद कीए बिखिआ रचिआ बादु ॥
Bẖā▫ī mīṯ suriḏ kī▫e bikẖi▫ā racẖi▫ā bāḏ.
They attach their affections to brothers and friends, uselessly engrossed in corruption.

ਜਾਂਦੇ ਬਿਲਮ ਨ ਹੋਵਈ ਵਿਣੁ ਨਾਵੈ ਬਿਸਮਾਦੁ ॥੧॥
जांदे बिलम न होवई विणु नावै बिसमादु ॥१॥
Jāʼnḏe bilam na hova▫ī viṇ nāvai bismāḏ. ||1||
They vanish without a moment's delay; without God's Name, they are stunned and amazed. ||1||

ਮੇਰੇ ਮਨ ਸਤਗੁਰ ਕੀ ਸੇਵਾ ਲਾਗੁ ॥
मेरे मन सतगुर की सेवा लागु ॥
Mere man saṯgur kī sevā lāg.
O my mind, attach yourself to the service of the True Guru.

ਜੋ ਦੀਸੈ ਸੋ ਵਿਣਸਣਾ ਮਨ ਕੀ ਮਤਿ ਤਿਆਗੁ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
जो दीसै सो विणसणा मन की मति तिआगु ॥१॥ रहाउ ॥
Jo ḏīsai so viṇsaṇā man kī maṯ ṯi▫āg. ||1|| rahā▫o.
Whatever is seen, shall pass away. Abandon the intellectualizations of your mind. ||1||Pause||